The Five Love Languages

We learnt about The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman) when we were doing “Before You Say Yes” course at Trinity. It’s a very enlightening revelation to how we show love to our partners and friends – here’s a short except from Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages website:

Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”  Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.”  Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.

Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship. Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.

It is also interesting to note that our love language can change as we mature and go through different circumstances. For instance, my love language used to be ‘Physical Touch’ – I will long for him to hold my hand, rest his arm on my shoulder as we walk, or a goodnight hug before we part. Recently I re-evaluated my love language, and it is now ‘Quality Time’. I guess with his lab being 20 minutes away from home, and us being busy with our individual research, I only get to see him at night when we’re both doing assignments..

Anyway, the reason I brought up The Five Love Languages is this: I was doing my usual dishwashing after lunch this afternoon, while dc set about packing his desk. Noting that my desk was dusty too (no thanks to the central heater vent behind us), he started packing and cleaning my desk, and even brought out all his tools (isopropanol, water, cotton pad, tissue paper, forceps, dustbuster etc) to clean every inch of my laptop:

It was really endearing to see him being so occupied with getting every stain, dust and tissue lint off my laptop – he did not even know I took these photos. That was his way of showing his love for me, in his usual silent, non-fanfare, non-PDA mannerisms. His acts of service to his wife.